Beowulf Fights Democracy
by emilymarion
Summary: In this parody Beowulf becomes president but will Nick Cage and a young girl named Emily be able to stop his evil plans? (First real try at writing, I know it's bad)


A/N: This was written for my English class. The underlined words are called Kennings. Look them up. You will feel smarter. Or they are examples of alliteration. These were required.

In a magical land known as… AMERICA our fine hero Beowulf appeared in a dark alley, as he walked out of the time portal he went in to shock and stumbled through the first door he could find. As it turned out that first door was the one, the only 2014 presidential election debates! As he stumbled though this door he thought to himself _"Where am I? What is this __raised platform__? Who are these strange men in black running towards me? Why am I inside that __picture box__?" _ As it turns out those strange men in black were security and they had tazers. As they shot our young hero he was able to resist the volts of electricity running through him for several minutes until security stopped. He roared right into the camera "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN MY COUNTRY! I AM A HERO!" brandishing his sword. One of the security guards spoke after a few minutes "And what country would that be?" another one under his breath "If he could withstand that, then I wonder what else he has done?" to which Beowulf replied "I have slain dragons! I have killed the son of the devil and his mother! A little zap from your metal demon won't hurt me! I am the prince of the Geats!"

Meanwhile in a small town outside of Pittsburgh a young college graduate, Emily, was watching this all unfold on her TV. She took to facebook and posted "Better be Beowulf 2016!" This sparked an entire internet revolution. People went nuts. They pinned him to run with Nick Cage. He accepted. It was insane. As she walked into the polls a few months later, she realized one thing: people weren't voting democrat or republican, they were voting based on brute strength, style, scariness and charisma.

The night of the election had arrived and everyone was holding their breath would the holy hero sent from heaven or hell to help win? Or would the boring boys from Boise, Idaho and Baltimore, Maryland win? Everyone held their breath.

As the leader of the senate approached the microphone he announced "the next president of our great country is….. BEOWULF!" The crowd went nuts! Beowulf was the first time traveler president! Nick nearly needed new nachos, after spitting his drink on them! He was vice-president! Beowulf was excited he was king, or so he thought.

Several months later, just after inauguration

Beowulf sits down in his new office he looks around everywhere and is amazed at all the things in his new home. He turns to Nick and says "My first decree is that all weak citizens will come speak to me on how to get stronger. I will speak to them personally." To which Nick replies "You cannot force that on people! They have free will!" On the surface Beowulf accepts this, but in his mind he is remembering an enslaving potion that the white wizard had taught him to help him defeat an evil troll.

By executive order the potion was created and dumped into water supplies all over the country. Everyone in the country slowly became part of Beowulf's super strong army, except two: Emily, from Pittsburgh, the one who started it all and Nicholas Cage. Together they would stop him. Their weapon: the internet! They would spend the next few weeks of their lives spreading rumors about him not even lifting and calling for the so-called hero to fight them in real life. Finally after what seemed like years they got a response from him "Meet me at the white house. 12 PM. Friday." After letting it sink it that they were going to have to fight him Emily spoke up "We need a plan, maybe we could show him that he was wrong to do that and get him to reverse it!" Nick replied "Yeah that is the best idea I have heard in a long time! What if we show him the constitution! We could show him how to follow it!"

What begins the long day of the fight begins with Emily and Nick stealing the constitution. It goes without any problems because there are no police. They then go to the front lawn of the white house and start yelling for him to come out. "Beowulf we just want to talk! There are some documents you need to read!" Nick yells, laying the documents down on the lawn in between them. As he Beowulf reads them his heart starts to change and with a mighty roar he says "MY SOILDERS REVERT BACK TO YOUR NORMAL HUMAN SELVES AT ONCE!" Just like that, following the orders of their leader Beowulf, they all go back to normal human beings.

The End


End file.
